I want to mean something, and feel that I do... don't we all?

The Biggest Loser

I am strangely addicted to this show. Maybe it's coz weight seems so much more hefty when it's mentioned in pounds. On many a morning at home (and nights in the hotel) I find myself tuning into the hallmark channel and gasping away. How can anyone weigh 400 pounds! Wow... and lose 200 pounds in 12 weeks! Okay, so maybe it was the good "TV producing" etc, but the weight loss process seemed to be alot of hard work, and oh so painful. With each episode, I can almost feel my "abs" aching... and not luxurating in my two scoops of ice cream.

I know what draws me to this show. Find it super inspiring. And a true reflection of life. To lose weight and to feel better about oneself, there's often a lot of determination, a lot of will power, even sweat and tears. It's also so much easier to just let oneself go, to go back to that comfort zone, even with the knowledge that one was not happy. Mayhaps, better the devil that one knows? Think the contestants show that we all do have it in us to pull oursleves up and move on. 400 pounds! Imagine! Even walking must be an enormous task.

P.S. Realised that whilst my stomach muscles are still able to withstand situps and crunches, I can no longer do push ups!

Utilization

This title would take on a whole different meaning were I still in a "professional firm"... but...

2 weeks... that is how long my current company took to make an "urgent" payment from US to UK in HKD. And just in case you thought it was because there was no sense of urgency, I counted at least 40 emails following up on this payment... and this included emails from the VP Finance, the CFO, the FC, etc. I would have found it highly hilarious if the matter wasn't of such an "urgent" nature, and if I was not to be held responsible for their actions across the continents.

So 2 weeks after, you would think the payment by Treasury would have been sorted out. But no, payment was rejected by UK bank as there was no corresponding HKG bank account. *Faints* Last I checked, we were a multinational.

Next holiday destination

Just read MT's "best days of the year" trip, and could really sense the "longing" for those good old days. And the BEB seems to have only fond memories of Brissie as well. Times like this... I do admire them for being able to have spent some prolonged time abroad (no, 3 weeks stuck in Pinoy land does not count). Since there seems to be so much a-chilling to do, mayhaps it's a worthy place to consider for my next holiday?

承认

This has got to be a really old song... but I heard it for the first time today. Really liked the lyrics, and the rendition that I heard (have not heard the original) was touching indeed.

承認
承認吧 對我還有好多感覺
只是你不敢再虧欠 要不就這樣算了吧
就這樣散了吧 至少你不毓d負了她
這些我都從無埋怨 先給愛的人並不可憐
早知道最後的結局 多落的分離
我是有理由不死心塌地 我當然不恨你
也從來不怨你 溢桮菑ㄦQ你
雖然是曾經也是唯一 若要忘記
兩三年就可以 我打算不見你
也決計不尋你 也已經不想你
只要是偶爾回首過去 在記憶裡
還有甜蜜 能這樣就可以
承認吧 對我還有好多感覺
只是你不敢再虧欠 要不就這樣算了吧
就這樣散了吧 至少你不毓d負了她
這些我都從無埋怨 先給愛的人並不可憐
早知道最後的結局 多落的分
離誰又該傻得去死心塌地 我當然不恨你
也從來不怨你 溢桮菑ㄦQ你
雖然是曾經也是唯一 若要忘記
狠下心就可以 我打算不見你
也決計不尋你 楛q此不想你
只要是偶爾回首過去 在記憶裡
還有甜蜜 能這樣就可以
我當然不恨你 也從來不怨你
也已經不想你 雖然是曾經也是唯一
若要忘記 狠下心就可以 我打算不見你
也決計不尋你 不願意再想你
只要是偶爾回首過去 在記憶裡
還有甜蜜 能這樣就可以

If you're not the one

One of those days when a song ambushes you, and creeps in... I had no idea what the title was, could not remember the lyrics, but yet the melody kept playing over and over. Not even sure that I like it, but it was bugging me, so much so that I had to search for the lyrics. Now that I've found it, time for me to get back to work!

If you're not the one - Daniel Bedingfield

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this **much** is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Loving you

fully truly
it it so hard to accept?

Of the Dream Realm

Sometime in the afternoon, a couple lies on the bed, cuddling.
Girl: I Love You
Silence follows. At that very instant, if you listen really carefully, you can barely discern a soft intake of breath... who from? It's anybody's guess.
The conversation resumes, and this moment disappears from memory. Sometime later, the girl shifts and lies on her side, supposedly to sleep. Perhaps unknown to the guy, the pillowcase is now the recipient of yet another round of tears.
The dream realm beckons. Mayhaps it was the activity that preceded sleep, but the couple's dreams are particularly vivid.

His Dream
The same guy, in appearance, few years younger. There's just this much more sparkle in his eyes, tinged with that bit of excitement. With him, a different girl, yet, somewhat alike. The setting looks grand, posh. Both are dressed up to the nines. Suddenly, the soft piping music in the background grows that lil'l bit louder. It's their song. Guy pulls the girl into an embrance and says:
"I love you... will you be mine always"
Looking into her eyes, he sees her eyes cloud over with tears, but they are not tears of joy.

Her Dream
Instead of a specific scene, it appears to be a collection of memories. Of the initial chase, of all the sweet memories shared. Of the passionate moments. But even in her dreamlike memories, there is one constant... his eyes are fixed with a distant gaze. Appears as though he's there, but isn't there. The dream fast forwards and the girl's standing by the beach, looking out. A fairy tale background, prefect blue skies, glistening white sand. In her arms, a wee babe gurgles.

The alarm rings. They both wake. Peck on the cheek to say good morning, and off to prepare for the work day ahead. The commute to work is once again in silence.

A time to say "I Love You"

One of those days where work just does not seem to be my topmost priority. Interestingly enough, though it's my week in shopping heaven, think I've conquered my "must go" shops. Been reading quite a bit... be it books (thanks to the national library which I totally dig), blogs, emails... and past scribbles. I think I really do just love the written word. Every notebook that I have, there seems to be snippets that I've noted down. Somewhat childish, but it's just me.

Anyways, was wondering, what does it take / how much time does it take for someone to fall in love? Are the words "I Love You" really so difficult to say and mean? Around me, can think of many individuals who would rather sky dive then to allow such depth of feelings to enter their being. And is past baggage a legit excuse? (Yes, excuse) Which brings me to this... doesn't real love "just happen"? Like, there should be a no holds barred approach to this right? Else, wherein do all the romantic comedies get their notion of "true love" from. You just need to watch 500 days of summer. The takeaway being a relationship in which you cannot even admit to for all the physical intimacy is just one which is of the "friends with benefits" variety. Even the most resilient of hearts are "supposed" to crumble under the hand of fate and cupid's arrow. Anything else is doomed. Enough said.

Random - Is giving up running away?

So I had that all important conversation with my boss. And when the sheer pressure of the week finally departed, was feeling really proud of myself. I know that accepting this job was always a mistake. Did it for the wrong reasons, and could never shake myself out of it. Had too many dreams at that point of time. But yet I was pretty steadfast about it. And now year 2 of QR has passed. And I know that I actually passed decently. But in speaking to my boss I have broken my own "bowl". He has his own political agenda that he needs to achieve. But I anticipated that as well. So why do I not feel so brave now? Coz by holding my tongue just that much longer I could have paved something for myself? Haha... After so much of thought, time to just let the heart take over.

Had a really interesting conversation with MT the other day. Put two of us together and we managed to chat for a solid 4 hrs, till we got chased out / nicely asked out from the shop. Talked about living with the unexpected, of finding true love, of the "capacity" to cheat. Haha. And of only being able to do "this much for one girl". Thanks dear for staying up with me, always wonder why I leave off meeting for so long. Hope you had a great time in Aussie.

Miss the new dad... he's pretty much disappeared from my radar. I know I'm supposed to go a "baby-visiting", but then wouldn't it remind me of what I do not have? *cheeky grin*