Turning the Last Page of a Chapter

Was given Sophie's World as a present for Christmas... for some reason, there was an inertia when it came to this particular book. Kept finding a correct time to start reading, and in the past month, a time to finish the book. Maybe for some reason, I just connected the book with a whole series of other items... and if the book ended, then so too will all those other connectors end.

But endings do come, and in the past couple of weeks I have been having a series of farewell lunches and drinks. Despite all the "celebrations", I've been having problems picturing myself leaving. It's kind of disconcerting how things are changing yet remaining the same all simultaneously. There's no handing over there are still endless meetings and review sessions, and yet, little by little, there is a conscious effort to no longer be involved in the daily comings and goings.

Was asked the other day why I was leaving... and I admit for that brief moment I got stumped. Simplistically, I suppose, I could say that I was thinking about the future. But as I considered matters a couple of hours later, I can truthfully say that a lot of the reasons which prompted the decision just nary two months ago are no longer applicable. Would I then do things differently if I could turn back the clock?

It never fails to amaze me when I think back how I've traveled so far only to go in one big circle. A little like what Andy Lau's character says in the Three Kingdoms. Questions arise, and there's a lot of "what for", but I think like the character in the movie, I will go out with a smile on my face as I've rediscovered my memories...

Reading the emails, recollecting events from the past, yes... we're back at square one, but there have been changes as well. And with all recollections, I only remember the sweet ones. There have been friendships made, it remains a question how long we will stay in touch, but the people I've met here have left their mark in my book of memories. Definitely won't be able to walk past Suntec again without thinking fondly of my team, the seventeenth floor will always remind me of review sessions, conference calls and Japanese lessons... and I'll always remember Coffee Bean at Millenia, Mount Sophia, Scarlet Hotel, Bugis Street, and of long walks and the many conversations. 

The past two years have been a learning experience. Will always be grateful to my boss for bringing me in, just like I'll always feel a tad guilty for leaving before the job is fully complete. But we make our choices, and I've always been a reactionary creature. Coming full circle, I've lost and gained, and hopefully one outweighs the other. For ever hour toiling, I've also grown in terms of capability. For every tear that I've shed, I learnt something about myself. So yes, will always be grateful for the lessons that I've learnt, and for the people who have come into my life and taught me those lessons. 

As I read my way through Sophie's world , I find myself asking a lot of questions... just as Sophie did. And there is a realization that life is really a journey of self realization. Not too sure if I'm right, but reading the book, I could not help but feel that Sophie keeps looking for a sign / any sign to prove that she's real, and not just someone's figment of imagination. Not too unlike my own experience, searching for a sign that I'm not just a transient character, and that I've left my own mark.

Guess it's time to just finish the book, and to find out the story ends. :)