Something Sweet

Need to post this to remind myself that I have a very nice boss (and two very nice boys). Something happened today that really quite upset me. So much so that I chose not to have lunch. The two boys whom I share a room with were smart to leave me alone, but I guess they ratted to boss that I did not have lunch. Next thing I knew, I received this, stickers and all. So sweet!

P.S. I did something that I never thought I would do. I love HKG right and would never give up a chance to go there. Yesterday, I was happy at the thought of going there next week, today I told the boys to go ahead and make their bookings without me. Which goes to show, never say never.

Bizarre Dreams

Have been super tired lately coz my night has been plagued with dreams. Now I know why people say a dream filled sleep is not a good sleep.

And the dreams have been really bizarre. Some I remember, some are a little fuzzy.

One which I remembered. I was trying hard to catch a flight to London, for some reason, I put off getting into the cab till an hour before flight time (so not me). Upon reaching the airport, I was told that I could not check in as I did not have the adequate insurance (yes, I made up this requirement in the dream). So I had to purchase the insurance and catch the next flight. In betweens the two flights, I actually went to my ex boss's place as his house was near the airport. At his place I made a huge discovery, that he's gay (something that I have my suspicions about) and that his gay partner is an Indian. If I could draw (which I can't), I would be totally able to draw out this Indian chap's looks. And I have never met him before! Long story short, because I overstayed at ex boss's place (something I cannot remember what was keeping me from leaving), I missed the second flight! Just so not fated to get on board the plane...

So that was dream one.

Dream two is not really a dream but a recollection. I was reliving a scene that took place 15 years ago. The first time since maybe like 6 yrs old that I cried in public. Public phones were still around at that point of time and I was talking to I about T with S standing helplessly and sheeplessly somewhere around me. I've always remembered that day coz well, (a) my skin is rather thin, and I don't like crying in front of people (I'm of the hide in the toilet and cry variety). So crying in public was a big no-no, and so very memorable; (b) after that very good cry, I just "packed" my emotions all inside me and than life went on again. Chapter closed. Guy written off. Many things happened post that period but nope, once I had that cry, we were over. Haha ... maybe that's why to this day we can still be friends. From that time, I was convinced that once I got pushed to the point that I would cry like that over a guy, the relationship is kaput, and once I have finished that cry I will get over him in a jiffy, coz well the "bottomline" has been reached. And you know, it's a theory that was put to the test and held true many a time.

Seems rather hilarious now, but hey, that's the thought process of a sheltered 18 year old whose only challenge in life is how to please the parents.

Wonder what dreams are in store for me tonight. Is there anyway to dictate dreams? Better still, would love to know how NOT to dream. It's too tiring.

Jaws Aching

Woke up with super aching jaws, as though I've kept them clamped shut the whole night. Must be me trying hard not to box all the sheep that I was counting through the night.

Reluctant to start work - what do people have breakfast these days? The food centre is all about fried bee hoon.

The weather in SG is really a little hard to predict. What appeared to be an overcast sky is now all sunny without ever having spitted rain.

Hmmm...

How many more of these nights can I take?

Spoke to mum last night, the previous week's "difficulties" unspoken. Chatted about her upcoming holidays. It's amazing how that carpet is big enough for people to sweep things under. How long before it becomes routine?

I need to learn

not to drink so much coffee.

It always starts with a sleepless night - to compensate for the lack of concentration, I drink loads of coffee the next day to stay awake - which than results in me having a headache and well a faster beating heart - which then causes me to stay awake at night.

Was just told than drinking orange / grapefruit juice will offset the caffeine effect, so I am busy gulping juice now. I really hope it does. And yes I will try not to drink so much coffee tom!

Determination

in my case, is often saying "No" to myself. No to procrastination, no to bad time management, no to alcohol and that other vice, no to chocolates and coffee and fatty foods (especially when I am trying to look good for that special someone).

When I was young, my parents were that "No" factor for me. The list of things that I could not do was so long it's hilarious. Invariably (and I would like to think because it's an unrealistic list), I think I broke everyone of them growing up (except for the one about gambling). Being alot older now, I've tried to pick up my own "no"s from my own experiences.

Not that many - so I guess I've been trying to keep to them. You know how we always group things with "must have", "nice to have", "good to have"? Well, I guess my list is "cannot do", "can try not to do". Haha... over time, alot of things have progressed from the "cannot do" to the "can try not to do" page, but I actually thought I've learnt how to control myself a little better. Until the last few months, and especially this weekend. There's just this one promise that I made to myself, but I feel painfully close to breaking it. Tsk Tsk. Left not right. Therefore the need for determination.

Everyone has bad days right? Hopefully this is mine. Never have I been so thankful for a Monday, I need the distraction of work. But first, I need to get through the counting of sheep through the night.

Amei concert

Quick short note ... she was AMeiZING. Definitely an entertainer. It was not pitch perfect, and for a great part of the concert, it was the crowd singing and not her. Not all the songs were ones that I particularly loved, but she sang the one that mattered. Like she said, anyone who listened to her songs through her career were bound to have their own images in their head. She was definitely emoting, remembering, crying, I wonder how many others were too?

Favourite Festival

So with Christmas and New Year's out of the way, we're two thirds past the annual "celebration". Was just thinking that Christmas must be my favourite time of the year, in large part due to the fact that my close friends will always be at my mum's place on Christmas eve. Small gift exchanges, lots of good food and wine, and plenty of great company. It's the image of Christmas that I've held in my head since young, mostly influenced by the books of old England that sits on my bookshelf. So... there's no wintry landscape, and there's no fireplace, but the important elements are all in. Can't really think of or ask for more.

But that's me... I do know of people (and someone in particular) who gets particularly edgy during Christmas. Where everything is just "wrong", from the orchard road crowds, the horrible gift exchanges to the cheesy gatherings. And I guess for me, that's Chinese New Year. We've still got a couple of weeks to the actual event, and I've already got a headache thinking about the logistics (how to cart back the various goodies, how to change the cash for the ang pow), how on earth am I going to be at 5 houses on the same day. And than there's the very concerned relatives. Sighs. All these people whom I have to see not coz I actually enjoy their company but coz we apparently have the same genetical lineage. Who are not concerned about me but who love to ask the most personal questions. Just thinking about them makes me go all "bristle". Of course, this year and the family "issues" that keep popping up makes it all the more complicated.

Count down to D day begins.

Party Thoughts

Something hurts... the question is what?

One thing is sure, I'm not meant to party Agency style. Still not at that state.

One more night

Sleepless again. I am beginning to understand why people drink themselves into oblivion. At least you get a good night’s sleep.

Maybe all I need is exercise – the lack of sun is not an excuse I know, but it’s contributing to my inertia.