Birthing Time

"Tick Tick" yet another incoming message:

Dear all, we are pleased to announce the birth of our little angel, xxx today, at xx.xxam, weighing in at 3.xxkg. Mother and Child are at xxx hospital, ward 1a. Yours, a and b

This is the second message that I received the past week (with another one taking place this week I'm sure), informing me of the arrival of yet another wee babe. Times like this, there's no denying that I've reached the grand old age where my friends are popping babies all over. 

Am happy for the two couples as I know that they've been trying for a babe for some time. It's funny how the ones who are ready for a babe are 'oft the ones that are kept waiting... whilst the ones that really don't want one are always "gifted" with an accident. (Did I ever mention that I was one of two accidents for my parents? *smile*) Yup, the TV serials do have some truth in them... one special night can really result in a "fruitful" outcome. 

Can never quite understand why a higher being would ever decide to dispense babes in such a manner. For the former, I guess the harder you need to try, the more you will appreciate the outcome. But the latter? Hmmm... maybe that's why there are so many neglected children / contentious family relationships out there. Which then brought to mind the movie I was watching last night, Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. Watched it years back after stealing the disc from Itchy and Scratchy, and I so connected with the show! Mayhaps I did learn a little from watching the show (there is a reason for why mum acts so?), and that year actually marked the turning point of my own relationship with my mum. Coincidental right?

Ramblings aside, guess I just wanted to note my congratulations to the two couples (TY and V). Congratulations to you peeps and your other halves, think you all would make fantastic parents.  

Appreciating.. the little momentos

Been a rainy weekend, and I started sifting through my collection of books, music, photos.. trying to find something different. Came across couple of CDs, songs and books that reminded me of various people. It's a little like letters... you know, when we were in Secondary school, there were these little notes that we would write to each other, intricately folded into various shapes... well, as we grow older, guess there were songs and books that we would share with friends. 

Currently listening to a CD given to me containing songs by Lisa Loeb amongst others. Could not help feeling that as we move along, priorities change and that's how we always meet new people. Guess I won't be getting a new CD from the same person anytime soon as I know our dynamics have shifted, and I guess moved on? At times, looking back at the old memories, always wonder why certain relationships just drift apart. Is it coz we don't put enough effort? However, think I am learning how to treasure the experience of knowing someone while it lasts, and to stop hankering after forever. After all, for every touch and go, there is a relationship there will always be one that sticks. Like me and SY, we've been partners in crime since the age of 8?, and though we don't meet all that often, there never seems to be any gap to close whenever we do. 

Perhaps all this reminiscing is due to the fact that the gang is in the land Down Under currently getting themselves all tipsy sans me and little bunny. As a group, we've managed a couple of holidays together, and it would have been nice to add one more to the bag. Unfortunately, really don't think it's gonna happen anytime soon... not until the bunny baby grows a little older I suppose. And by then... who knows... the skunk might be banned from associating with us for good. 

Think I saw A at the coffee shop the other day.. looks the same, but a tad older. Either I've completely changed or it was a choice not to recognize me.. wonder why it's often the older people who find it so hard to face up to their emotions.   

Being played like a fool

Can't believe it's been two weeks since it happened. But the incidents of last night made me realize that I made the right choice. A person who has been alone for too long is just not prepared for the next big step. And, really, as my understanding improves, I learn and it just does not hurt as much anymore. 

Thankie!!!

Guess the past couple of posts have been a tad worrying... just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has given me a call, dropped me an sms or msn message, and all the virtual hugs!... sorry for causing the ripples of concern, but I think the worst is over. *crossing fingers* Hopefully there will be less "whining" from me on this space!

It's eating time

This is the period to put on weight... have been having meal after meal of "good" food... whether it's digging into the best every red curry duck in bangkok, or going for long farewell lunches, or just hanging out with friends.

Ron is back in town after a period of running around and we've been hooking up for lunches, dinner and a little bit of sake.. SY is back as well, and the list of must eats is quite intimidating. Nasi Lemak, Roti Prata... all the fat inducing stuff are on the menu. Went with the BEB to My Secret Garden for dinner tonight. Have been wanting to visit the place like forever. Actually found dinner quite amusing. It appears as though the restaurant is the hang out for uni students / fresh graduates on their "important date". Cameras were flashing as the various couples celebrated birthdays, anniversaries. Could not help but wondering if there was any guy trying to find the "courage" to ask his date to be his girlfriend. "Entertainment" aside, must say the place was really quite disappointing, and despite the rather promising desert menu, do not think I'll be going back for a return visit anytime soon.

With everyone coming back, there's also been a bunch of people who have gone off. Most notable? My mojito buddy... since we've known each other, this has got to be the longest period that we've not communicated with each other... no emails, no msn conversations, and no smses. Yes, I know the fault's on me... have been accused of pulling away in the past couple of months by a couple of people, and that I've suddenly become more distant... now that I've got more time on my hands (less obligations!), mayhaps it's time to try and hook up again.  

Tired, Missing, Confused

Given all the current circumstances, I really should not be typing this in office at 9pm... but since I have been such an ineffective worker in the past couple of months, well, the shit is finally catching up. Have been getting alot of peace lately, and in a way, it's good, as I've finally found the time to concentrate and sort things out. Bit by bit, I think I'll see most of my outstanding and confusion clearing up... Yet, there just seems to be this little missing feeling... hiaz, sometimes I think human beings (meaning me) just want everything.

Know that there have been some worried folks out there. Am really appreciating the support that my team has been giving me. They are really allowing me to clear my things in my own time, and I know in the past couple of days they are really worried I'll collapse on them (Hmmm... do I really look that bad?). They've been working doubly hard to cover my slack. Such support is really rare... and I find myself thinking that I really should treat them to a meal when all this is over (and before they all disappear to China).

Am determined to close off everything nicely before I leave... time is really running out! Am crossing my fingers that the adrenaline will always keep me going... and that I can keep the confusion at bay.

Alone

There's this big gaping hole

Looking for someone to pour out to

To just tell you everything that I have endured

In reality

It cannot happen

Only silence answers

Butterfly Kisses

This song has been repeating itself in my mind the entire weekend. Always liked the song from the first I heard it long ago. Just thought that it was a really sweet song, and how often do you get to hear songs about fathers and daughters? Remember playing it to my dad when I first heard it... and asking daddy if he would miss me if I ever did get married. I have always been really close to my dad... he's the one who would bring me for walks to all the parks when I was young, buy me my favourite stationery when he's abroad, and yeah, he thought me how to play with Lego. 

Think the song came into my mind whilst I was reading over the weekend. Think the weather kinda got to me, and I ended up staying at home and polishing this book that I borrowed from the library: Love Happens. Nothing amazing about the plot but it primarily dealt with a female trying to get over her failed marriage. A couple of the chapters focused on her contemplating reuniting with her husband for the sake of her three year old kid.

How does the song and the book link? Not really too sure... but I found myself wondering if that's why alot of marriages last longer than expected... coz we all innately feel that all kids deserve a father, and that if we did consider bringing a kid into the world, we owe it to the kid to ensure that he/she will always have a father figure in his/her life?

It's something that I've heard in real life... the "adults" lamenting that they are in the marriage for the kids... and also, I think, for the females, coz some companionship is better than none at all, and because they dread the social stigma of being a divorcee. That's a sad but I think true fact. 

Do all kids really need a father figure? I think so... maybe because of the very good relationship that I have had with my own dad. Think without him, the family would never be as close knit. In a lot of ways, he has by sacrificing alot, kept the family together, and forced peace between the various members of my family. Think without him, the Sunday family dinners, the ability to forgive and forget, and even, to just love because it's family would be absent from my life. Anyone that really knows me would know that I think my dad's the best husband/father anyone can have... unfortunately, as I always say, he's an extinct breed. But yeah, if I were ever to have a kid, yes, I would like him/her to have a father who would be around... to care for, and to love. 

Fashion(able)

One of the consequences of hanging out with the BEB is that I'm actually starting to have a tinge of fashion consciousness. I've actually started noticing the things that people wear when I'm out. Hmmm... wait... I've always noticed the super "unglam" or eyebrow raising stuff that I've seen, but these days, I've actually started noticing the nice things too... Haha... it's like being starting my education 15 years too late (in this area at least).

Have had quite a bit of time on my hands during the weekends since I started my "no work" policy. As a result, I confess to have been doing a little bit of a wardrobe revamp myself. In a way, have been preparing for my new work wardrobe (dress down fridays! yippie!), as well as trying to dig out the old stuff from my existing collection. It's amazing the amount of clothes that I've relegated to the back of the cupboard... things that I don't think I'll ever wear again, but am reluctant to throw it out. Well, they have been given a new lease of life in the past few weeks (at least the pieces that I can still fit into).

My shopping expeditions have resulted in me buying more skirts n dresses!*gasp*. Was just a realization at a certain get together a couple of weeks back... there's a sad fact of getting old and settled. Very soon, it's gonna be nigh impossible to look "good" in alot of clothes, as the flabs start refusing to budge from their fav spot(s). Point to note, for the past couple of years, the empress dowager has stopped commenting on how I can't wear sleeveless tops, short shorts... etc. Reason: I no longer look worse than my peers in them. 

Rambling away... as there's a huge "thing" coming up today... and I'm trying to not *think* about it. 

Decisions

Did something today... 

Made a big decision

Thought so much about it that my head hurts

Wait... perhaps more than my head

Let's see how this goes

One thing leads to another

Now for the appointment next week

I'm really starting to sort everything out

The Skunk, the Tortoise and the SYTs

Had another one of those random fun night outs the other day... met up with the skunk, the tortoise and the other usual suspect for drinks at RP. With everyone's woes and my regurgitating problem, it's been a while since we met up for our drinking session. And... it was an outing without all the significant others (or lack thereof).

Although the drinking was at one of those dingy pubs, I must say that we all had alot of fun! Guess when you put four slightly mental beings together, we tend to find fun in our own way. All of us have hit a slightly rough / confused patch lately... and it was just kinda nice to spend time with company whereby nothing really matters. Miss ED went on her usual pendulum structure and went from nursing her first beer to downing her last in like a minute. Here's hoping that we'll always be ablte to turn to each other!