Being Eighteen

The recent long holidays gave me an opportunity to catch Stardust in both the Movie and the Novel versions. Really cannot say which version appealed to me more. The movie version was oh so fairy tale like, watched it on a girlie night with L whilst sipping Rose. By the time the movie ended, was filled with this really Disney-like feeling of idealistic love, and happily ever after. At that very moment, I totally believed in finding one's true love.

Then I read the book, and it was a crash back into reality. The book did have a happy ending, of sorts, in the sense that Trsitran and Yvaine did get married, but it was just filled with so many "bittersweet" moments. I was particularly upset at what Yvaine had to endure, all because fate deemed it that she had to be "knocked" out of her place. Lines like "She would always limp, she knew, for Tristran was no surgeon when it came to mending a broken bone", and "She says nothing at all, but simply stares upward into the dark sky and watches, with sad eyes, the slow dance of the infinite stars" really touched me in their simplicity. I couldn't help but wonder whether even though "Tristran and Yvaine were happy together", if she were given a choice to experience the love between her and Tristran versus being one of the infinite stars, which would she choose. By the time I closed the book, I wondered if love was really that big a deal.

Somehow, watching the movie adaptation inspired this - happy memories recounted by an older soul. :)

It was a birthday celebration, a simple one that only youngsters enjoy, the sole objective being getting the birthday boy drunk. The invitation was extended to her as his friends borrowed her fridge to store the birthday cake. Throughout the night, she found herself looking at him, drawn. And then she heard him declaring his affections for another girl. Though disappointed, without knowing why, she ended up spending time with him, whilst waiting for him to sober up. Prior to that night, they had only spoken to each other once before. 

The next day, she went to his room to see how he was doing, and he asked her out for a movie. It was to be a double date. The show itself became inconsequential, but via it, they had their "song". By the end of the movie, she started wondering: "is this what love feels like"? This feeling of contentment, just by spending time together. He brought her up to Mount Faber, and they ended up chatting till the rain fell. That night was her first midnight show, the first time someone every played the guitar for her, the first time she spent a whole night up talking, in all, a night of many firsts. Like they say, when love strikes, time is inconsequential. By the time morning came, she was totally into him, and she realised what it was to give without holding back.

The next couple of months seemed to pass by in a flash. There were many more movies, songs, late night conversations, and also many other firsts. But soon enough, there were things that they had to contend with. Friends, family, school, and in time, work. They managed as best as they knew how, and soon there was talk about spending the rest of their lives together.

As the story goes, love and all things practical do not mix well. As such, there was no happily ever after in the fairy tale sense. In fact, for a long period of time, there were only tears. But as a story of life, there were lessons drawn. For him, he learnt that one had to give in order to receive. For her, she learnt that there's only so much one can be stubborn about, and that giving wasn't everything. Although there would be no more guitars, no more trips up Mount Faber, but in all, I think both are happy. Just as Tristran realised that Victoria was not really the one for him, and that she would be much happier if he let go, so too, I guess it went for the boy and the girl.

Lust, Caution

Went to catch the show finally with Miss Ene, PR, L and Ron. Must say that when the show first came out it was on my "must watch" list (Reason: Lee Hom, of course!). As usual, procrastination set in, and it slowly faded from my consciousness. Out of the blue, received a message from Miss Ene about the show, and the next thing I knew, I was at the cinema.

Although I spent most of the show fiddling around with my phone, I'm still glad I caught it. I've finally realised that I really am not good at "watching" movies at the cinema, I fidget, I get bored, and I'm just itching to get out of my seat no matter how good the show is. It's often the company that keeps me rooted. 

I left the cinema with a question in my head that's still unanswered: "Is that Love?" I never had any difficulty understanding why Tang Wei's character "chose" to save Tony Leung's character. After all, this was the guy who could best understand her feeling of loneliness. Thus, my question... is it because they were two lonely souls who could only feel their existence through being with each other?

Can't seem to express myself very well of late... perhaps coz I'm tired, and clouded. Feel a little like Jane Eyre narrating via a third person. Physically present yet detached. 

Flooded

By emotions. Cannot concentrate.

Think it could be because alot has been happening.

Think it could be because I'm still trying to settle.

Think it could be because I've been trying to avoid seeing the obvious.

Think... it could be I'm thinking too much. 

Thought concludes in emotions? Hmmm... think again

Apologise

You know you have friends who are on the same frequency when two individuals who do not know each other introduce the very same song to you in the same week! And funnily enough, this song was very aptly linked to an msn conversation and an accidental sms that I received with said individuals above. As per "Lost in a Good Book", coincidences are really not all that common, I thought that I'll note down the song in "pen and paper", aka blog about it... so that I'll always remember the lessons learnt!

I think this is a song that grows on you... and once u look at the deceptively simple lyrics... well, what to say, it's a song that anyone who has loved with a passion can relate to. Not too sure that I agree with it though... is it ever "too late"?

Apologise

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new - yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

Reading again

It seems like it's been a long long time since I last had a good read... been so busy doing well, a whole list of stuff... not to mention my latest projects of writing christmas cards and exploring new hang out places. But in the midst of it all, found the time to catch up on the reading, and it was lovely. There were a couple of books which I really enjoyed reading, namely:

a) The Thirteenth Tale

b) The Other Boleyn Girl

c) Atlas Shrugged

d) Lost in a Good Book

Weird combination, and there were times where I found it difficult to switch from one writing style (and thought process) to the other. But I think I really enjoyed the process of reading. 

Was talking to Jules the other day about the concept of reading for the fun of it... and he admitted that it was something that he could not grasp. He understood the necessity of reading on a subject matter coz of interest, but reading for the joy of it... I guess that's something different altogether. 

As we are finally starting to get settled, hope that I'll be able to find more time to just simply read. But then again, can't seem to find anything that I would want to seriously pore over... am thinking of re-reading some of the old books again... let's see, what shall it be? Jordan, Austen, or perhaps Milton? 

Reflecting... Recollecting

Gave my blog addy to someone recently... cannot even remember when was the last time I did that. Thanks to him, I ended up reading some of my old posts... interesting how my thought patterns have changed... but then again, a leopard never truly changes its spots, so certain things will always remain close. 

Whilst reading all that I wrote, couldn't help but feel that my very first post still remains very much applicable. Writing things down does really help me to straighten up my thoughts, and yes, my emotions. Looks like words will still always remain a large part of my life. 

My New Toy

Am drafting this post on my new toy... I got a MacBook as my Birthday Prezzie!!! Yippie!!! Am so so in love with it, even though I don't know how to use half the functions that it has... comp idiot that I am. But it's so cool to finally own a lappie that I can call my very own. Looks like this year really is a year of wishes coming true. I just love how pretty it looks, and that it does not take half an hour to start up. Hiaz... but now that I have yet another toy to play with, how am I ever ever going to find enough hours in a day to play with my new toy? Must start learning how to sleep less methinks... or maybe to be more focused. Thankfully, we've got loads of public holidays coming up. Time enough to sort out everything *cross fingers*. Procrastinator? Definitely. 

The Bad Mature Guy

I finally got cable!!! Yes, juvenile, but I have been "dreaming" of having cable for the longest time ever. So... I was watching a chinese drama serial on tv, and the current episodes were dealing with a very tangled up relationship. In short, a senior partner at the law firm (the typical playboy) was trying hard to "seduce" this younger married spoilt female lawyer. Apparently, he had once tried to chase her but was rejected for being a playboy? How typical... Anyway, the episode ended with the female filing for divorce despite the objections of her family members, etc. Jules resolutely refused to watch the show after the first half hour... the reason? Coz the viewer would get infuriated watching the plot progress... and become increasingly alarmed as the scenario painted on screen could really, just really, happen in real life. 

For me, I admit I was hooked. On the one hand, I really wanted to stop watching coz I knew it would end in a divorce... on the other, I couldn't help marveling at the way the older mature man was manipulating the younger woman. And yes, I was wondering if he was chasing her coz he was just relishing the challenge, or coz he really liked her. Would he ditch the gal once the divorce is finalised...  guess I would have to continue watching to know. 

Does reel life mirror real life? In terms of Singapore television dramas... more often not. In this case, I think I have seen similar scenarios often enough... Last night, could not help but remember "A"... scarily, I could not help but run the parallels between him and the male protagonist. And I think it was his desire to live his life "dramatically" that resulted in him doing alot of the things he did... the constant need to find some challenge to amuse himself. Could not help but wonder how he is now, and whether he finally managed to find some peace in his life, or is he still continuing his hunt of young fragile prey. Hmmm.. why is it that often people choose not to take the contented path? ponder ponder. 

First Guests

Had my very first guests over to dinner, and it was a pretty weird combination of the old tortoise and belle (I insist she is very aptly named). Opened two bottles of the rose on a weekday nite... and had pretty much good fun. Think the nice thing about making friends with the same frequency is that you can pretty much mix them together and there will be minimal awkward silences... as Anne would say "Kindred spirits" (Hmmm... think I should but myself a set of AOGG for christmas). Kinda reminded me of how the gang started... 

Guess I would be having more "guests" over in time to come. But tonight will be special coz it's the first! Come to think of it... cannot believe that the two "S" have not seen my place yet. Think the skunk has been neglecting us since he "found" his significant other. 

Of lunches, breaks and messages

It's a little like those days long long ago, where the carefree gang had a lot of banter going on... and we just used to talk (note: talk, not bitch, or lament, or sulk, or worry). It was nice to find someone whom I could just talk fluff to, and in a way, I think it revives a little of the old me. Not sure how long this will last, but I think over the years, I've started learning to live life for the present. I was kinda reminded of the sessions I had with the old tortoise long before he got married... and look at how that turned out. :)

Hoping for things to get more settled on other fronts... as usual, I'm finding it difficult to find enough hours in a day. Am seriously abandoning my christmas card project this year... after all, I think everyone's pretty bored of them. Must bring out the inner "creative" person in me soon. Going shopping with L this weekend... am looking forward to that! Been a long time since we had girl bonding time. Hope the bunny can come along.

It has been a tad

hectic. It has been deadline after deadline after work, coupled with ridiculous "students" during L&E, and all the moving house "to do list" to occupy me after work... so much so that I can only profess that I am tired out. I have on and off written bits to be posted at some "to be determined" time... but I can't seemt to remember where I put them. *Sighs* Methinks that I may be better off keeping a diary than a blog after all.

So the bday this year just flew by again... and I had to work really late on that day too! All coz of the "teaching stint". But I think I emerged from that class a wiser person, so everything turned out well enough.