Birthday Blues

Yes Yes... I know that my birthday has gone and past, but just about a week ago... these thoughts were swimming in my head... I've finally realized why people can go into depression. All along, I must confess that I'm not the kind that has too much sympathy for people who suffer from depression as I've been trained by me mum to think that there are always others worse than you, so what are you griping for? Well, just a week ago, it all started to make sense.

It all started with me thinking "Bday is coming soon... should I even bother to celebrate"; and then there was a pause... what am I celebrating actually? Bonus was just announced on that day, and it was the most pathetic bonus that I've received in years, and apparently we are having our highest tourism figures in a decade! So I started thinking, what have I done this entire year. I've switched jobs (from work that I enjoyed to something that I am struggling with), I'm earning less, I'm really growing old, losing my energy, it's harder to stop myself from putting on weight, my skin is starting to show signs of age, I set out to do two things in this year and I've not accomplished either... oh my, one thought just "piled" on the other... and I started feeling really quite down.

So I kinda figured, this is what depression is about... you just keep thinking unhappy thoughts. I could easily see this year in another light, e.g. that I've got more time in my hands workwise, I actually have time to think about what I am doing, work is about applying what I've studied, etc... but no, it was only the negative nature that was coming through. Can imagine someone thinking these sad thoughts all the time, not to mention the constant stress that is just part and parcel of life, it really can make one miserable... no wonder our suicide rate is increasing.

All in all, that was just my quarter life crisis taking place, luckily, this happens to me only once a year... since bday, I've been my usual chirpy self again! Resolution for the new year: I'll try harder to listen and understand when others complain. Figured that sometimes the best way out of depression is for you to be around good friends!