Fertility and other Random Thoughts

Was at the doctor’s last week and flipping through a medical magazine. The featured article touched on fertility and the different ways of alternative conception available for couples in Singapore these days. One of the lines that caught my attention was the “guidelines” for when a couple should seek alternative “help”. This was defined as when a couple has had frequent (i.e. 2 or 3 times a week) intercourse for a year without successful conception. I admit, I was rather taken aback. That’s more than a hundred failed attempts! And yet… with each new drama serial, there is the “unwanted” pregnancy which occurs with just one attempt. And yes, I know, that in reality, that does happen as well. Not for the first time I wondered how fate/god/higher being deals out the rights to be a parent to each individual.

And that brought me to this thought… Now that I’ve reached this old age of 30 and with the upcoming CNY, I’ve found myself having to answer the “when is it your turn” question. And almost like a robot, I would go… “nah, not grown up yet”. At times I am tempted to just go “when the time is right, you won’t need to ask” or something equally flippant/rude. But truthfully, have I considered this question? It’s complicated…

Which brought me to this next thought… Was checking out horoscopes with the gang via email, and we were commenting on certain very apt predictions. And there was just this little “click” sound that went off in my brain. There are just many coincidences around… all of which would seem very uncanny. The period before V day each year oft happens to be a time of emotional turbulence, and hence a period where my “aunt agony” skills are in high demand. Can that be explained by the subconscious effort of each individual to reflect on their relationship during this “love filled” season? These few years, I have oft realized that the beginning of each year is also when the announcement of upcoming “new additions” to the family start as well. Does this have to do with the fact that Dec is traditionally a lull month for most people, and thus giving rise to more “successful” conception attempts? But how many people are actually capable of taking on this responsibility?

Well… this year there was a kind of a twist… I seem to be suffering from an aunt agony overload. So much so that I can’t figure if break ups are good, marriages are bad, babies break up relationships, and horoscopes are just a tad of rubbish. Was having a conversation with the BEB and we touched on terminating pregnancies due to “scientific” reasons, i.e. when there appears to be a chance that the babe will be “disadvantaged” at birth. For once, I found myself in agreement with him. Mayhaps, I have developed a form of that nonchalance after all. But then it brings me back to square one: is it fair to terminate / give up the chance of bringing a wee one to the world when there are so many others who so dearly wish for just one successful attempt?
Thought I’ll just end this post with a song that has been on “repeat” in my head ever since I watched the you tube clip of it… 我恨我爱你

面带微笑离开你怀里 我听天由命
最後一张王牌在手里 二选一的机率
不能放纵爱你 就放过自己
爱情已过了甜蜜期 多说也无益
爱不爱我已经没关系 一点小伤而已
你可以很放心 我不枫陉F留你
假装可怜兮兮 都怪我 太不争气
我恨我爱你 Oh~ 我爱你
只是因为你是你 Oh~ 我恨你
你有我看也看不清的小聪明
你有我说也说不完的坏脾气
你有我数也数不尽你的┅.新恋情
没关系┅
我有你拿也拿不走的旧回忆
我可以一个人安静的忘记你
我恨你最後那一句 我爱你