Giving Up. Finding Myself.

As usual, there is a period where I find everything rushing to meet an end. Guess the past month has been just that. Days pass pretty much like clockwork, but on an accelerated basis, and the time between day and night, and night and day seems to be far shorter than I remembered it to be.

And then the body pulls everthing to a halt. Brain stops functioning, body starts showing signs of wear and tear. You know you have to stop, but the ticking carries on nonetheless.

That's when you give up.

There's a limit to how much a human body can take. All that thought process, all the thinking... and also, all the corresponding emotions and resulting loss of sleep, food. The beauty of the human body is that the "repair" process also kicks in automatically. Like how a cut will always heal itself no matter how deep the initial cut was. Brought to mind a memory. Knew a friend who was crushed by a truck, and rendered comatose. Initially, he was all wrapped up in bandages... after a while, the body started to heal, and there was alot of reconstructive surgery. But... I never knew what became of him... did he ever regain consciousness? I wonder now.

I gave myself a break this weekend. Spent time catching up with friends and with Jules. And took some time to think about what I wanted. It's often so easy to just let each day pass you by. Many would ponder if it's too late to start considering my wants so late in life... but I guess realigning oneself to one's goals, wants, needs should always be an ongoing process... "principles based"... like the "top down risk based approach" that we so often preach at work.

There's quite a couple of things going on at the moment... and some interesting opportunities. Guess in many aspects I am at the crossroads again. What is it to be this time? Do I run or take in face on? What am I going to determine to be my needs / wants this time round? Plenty of promises, and all you need is time. Which to believe? Life is full of choices... how do you know when you are making the right one? But some time in my thought process, I had a realisation... to really be able to make a decision, you must first decide that you can give everything up. Then only can you be on even ground. Hmmm... isn't that a choice in itself? Now I know why Miss L is still conclusion-less.

Good Sales Folks

Guy: Oh my, it's you again. Finished your shopping?

Gal: Either you have a very good memory, or there are really very few people walking here. I walked past here three hours ago!

Guy: Or it could be coz you are... Not many people have turned me down yet.

Gal: Smile, all right, will complete it for you.

All I can say is that he has a really good memory for faces. Though it's only M Walk, but taking into consideration the fact that it was in the evening... and everyone was knocking off... Some people are just cut out for sales.

People Watching

"Partying" started early for me this week, drinking with the gals at Paulaner's on a Wednesday night. Was nice to be out before the sky turned dark. Cannot believe L went down to Zouk after that. Why do I feel as though there are things happening in her life that I don't know about as yet? Hmmm... time will tell. :)

Finally managed to catch up with MT last night. And I initiated it this time round *beem*. It was supposed to just be her coming over to my place, but then she had an invite to this function at Keppel Bay Marina Club. Purportedly, it was a launch of a picture book by a photographer. But, except for the glimpse of the pictures whilst we were walking in, I did not have a chance to look at the photos. Instead, the closest scrutiny I paid to them was whilst leafing through 8 days a couple of issues ago.

Boy were there loads of "pretty" people at the party. I COULD NOT STOP looking!!! Haha... seriously. The amount of cleavage, female... and male. I spent the night wondering how much time was spent by these people in the attempt to look gorgeous. The good news? It worked. Could not help but compare it to the somewhat lacklustre appearance of the Star Search Semi-Final event that I attended with Miss Ene and PR. 

Must admit that I felt kinda out of my league... the other attendees seemed to have come from some other part of the world. There was so much flirting and picking up going on, it was like watching a TV drama serial. Bumped into a couple of ex-colleagues/acquaintances.. and got to meet a few new people here and there. And, I did have loads of eye candy... and alcohol. Loads. Apparently too much for MT, who got pretty inebriated. We had to stop the car like multiple times on the way home. *giggle* Anyways dear, thanks for bringing me along. It was great fun, and I finally got to meet K after hearing so, so much about her. Really do like her... very dynamic personality. 

Amusing Thought

Result of staring at my book shelf in search of something to read before I sleep.

Romance novels leave with you no doubt of what a good guy in bed is / needs to do. But has anyone ever come across the "definition" of what makes a good gal in bed?

Maybe I should consult the old tortoise the next time I meet him for a beer (sans his wife of course). Am sure he will regale me with many a story.  

Solitude and Thoughts

Over the past couple of years, I've realised that there are a few "me" things that I resort to whenever I'm confused, uptight, stressed, etc. Initially, they were things that I did whenever things went wrong, and then, I realised, that like writing, they just helped me to recollect, analyze, and be more at peace with whatever was happening. Thinking back, realised that mayhaps why these activities were so helpful was coz they gave me a chance to spend time with myself. After all, everyone needs some solitude, aka, "alone" time.

• sipping a glass of wine, listening to music
• taking a drive at night, listening to music again!
• spending some time at the bottom of a pool
• watching liquid flow
• indulging in some snack or other
• writing
• housework when the house is empty (latest addition!) 
  

Happened to have the opportunity to do all the above lately, and as usual, managed to find my "zen" state. :)

Accident Prone

It appears as though every couple of years, I will find myself in a state of absolute carelessness, coupled with an unlucky streak. In the last week, I have managed to fall twice, and am now attempting to type this post with one hand.

So, the first landing on my bump was not really my fault as Ms. L was attempting a tackle in her state of "highness" last Friday. Nonetheless, down I went, with a huge bruise on my elbow. The second fall was absolutely of my own "doing", as I managed to walk right into those little drains. Down I went again, this time, with a resultant bruise on my knee.

The funniest incident of course was yesterday morning. For some reason, I decided that my hand was the surest way to stop a razor blade's descent to the bathroom floor. Perhaps my lit teacher in JC just trained me way too well... such that I instinctively try to catch anything... like his flying pens. The result? I managed to "shave" a teeny little bit of my finger off... just the skin, but enough to justify two days of sick leave and many tablets of painkillers. And of course, a huge bandage round my middle finger... it really is not very productive trying to type with one hand. Sighs.

Spellbound

There's this feeling of wanting to blog as there are lots of little things fleeting around in my head, but not really being able to put them down. And then there's the feeling that there is so much I need to get done this weekend, but am lacking the motivation to get down to it. I think it's the result of one very very late night out.

Last night, the original gang (with the exception of Ron) went out for a night of fun at Zouk, purportedly to celebrate the little bunny's first night out in a year! Yippie, the little mum is back out with us again! Can't believe how much I've missed her company in this past year. Think like the skunk said, there's something really dysfunctional about each and everyone of us, but I think that that's what make us go so well together. 

Think it's the first time that I stayed out till 5am in a long, long while (I did not even do so for my hen's night), and the thing was, it all flew past without me realizing it! (Hmmm... that's becoming something of a norm for me these days, I wonder why). Considering that I was up at 5am the morning before trying to "gain" more hours in a day, that means that I was awake for a full 24 hour stretch *beems* so proud of myself!

Recapped on the night with S this morning. Poor boy had to get up at 7am for a church wedding, and I commented that last night felt like the parties we had in the early years. There were many old friends around, and we were going in and out from one place to the other, and mixing our drinks. Interestingly enough, I even managed to wake up this morning fresh like a baby, with no trace whatsoever of a hangover! Haha... maybe cheaper alcohol is the way to go after all. Kinda lost track of all the drinks that we had last night, but at moments, I was reminded of the "trays" consumed with L. 

There were little bits of eyebrow raising activities going on between L and S... am not sure why the miss was feeling so hyper / angsty / oh no, cannot find the word for it . But I hope she enjoyed herself. The little bunny I know was definitely relishing her night out, and I was really amused by how "motherly" she has become, to the extent of trying to get a little gal out of trouble with the guys. I couldn't help but laugh, thinking about the many many times that I tried to keep her out of trouble. 

As for me, I was spellbound. There were really moments where nothing seemed to matter but the moment.