Giving Up. Finding Myself.

As usual, there is a period where I find everything rushing to meet an end. Guess the past month has been just that. Days pass pretty much like clockwork, but on an accelerated basis, and the time between day and night, and night and day seems to be far shorter than I remembered it to be.

And then the body pulls everthing to a halt. Brain stops functioning, body starts showing signs of wear and tear. You know you have to stop, but the ticking carries on nonetheless.

That's when you give up.

There's a limit to how much a human body can take. All that thought process, all the thinking... and also, all the corresponding emotions and resulting loss of sleep, food. The beauty of the human body is that the "repair" process also kicks in automatically. Like how a cut will always heal itself no matter how deep the initial cut was. Brought to mind a memory. Knew a friend who was crushed by a truck, and rendered comatose. Initially, he was all wrapped up in bandages... after a while, the body started to heal, and there was alot of reconstructive surgery. But... I never knew what became of him... did he ever regain consciousness? I wonder now.

I gave myself a break this weekend. Spent time catching up with friends and with Jules. And took some time to think about what I wanted. It's often so easy to just let each day pass you by. Many would ponder if it's too late to start considering my wants so late in life... but I guess realigning oneself to one's goals, wants, needs should always be an ongoing process... "principles based"... like the "top down risk based approach" that we so often preach at work.

There's quite a couple of things going on at the moment... and some interesting opportunities. Guess in many aspects I am at the crossroads again. What is it to be this time? Do I run or take in face on? What am I going to determine to be my needs / wants this time round? Plenty of promises, and all you need is time. Which to believe? Life is full of choices... how do you know when you are making the right one? But some time in my thought process, I had a realisation... to really be able to make a decision, you must first decide that you can give everything up. Then only can you be on even ground. Hmmm... isn't that a choice in itself? Now I know why Miss L is still conclusion-less.