Honest Reflections

At times, I still cannot shake off that feeling inside. Today was a singularly unproductive day at work. In part, it was because the only real task I had was the very one that I hate to do... documentation. I am one of those people who love to undertand the process, dig up the issues and then am utterly lazy at trying to put my thought process down
on paper. I only do so when there is a gun pointing at my head.

Had one of those stomach churling days today... the one where I am totally craving a drink, and wanting to visit the toilet... and you know, there's really nothing that I should be nervous about. Except that I am...

Been caught in this political turf battle at work, and I find all my work being scruntinised. There's this fear that I've not done a thorough job. Worse, been told that the guys at Head Office are coming down to do a QR... Hiaz, does not get much worse than this.

Feeling unsettled. And as much as I loathe to admit it, I know the reason why. Promos and bonuses were announced at the old place early this week. Cannot help but wonder how I would have done, and how much $$ did I walk away from. Coupled with that... am gonna be meeting my old bosses really soon... and I don't know how to answer the "Are you happy" question. It's bugging me, this moving out of my comfort zone. And the expectations that others have on me... and the knowledge that I am not even meeting the ones that I have set for myself. I think about the upcoming assignments and I feel this sinking in the stomach. All the turf war nonsense is really beyond my ability to grasp and manage at times. Hiaz.

Most of call, I crave that feeling of resoultion. It's been a while and I am still being plagued by it. Not so often in my waking moments, but often in my dreams. Time only heals when there's an effort to move.

Amusingly, bumped into A again the other day... whilst having coffee with the S. This time round, he did come by to say hi, and to pass me his card. Strangers again. How fickle human relationships can be.