Something Sweet

Need to post this to remind myself that I have a very nice boss (and two very nice boys). Something happened today that really quite upset me. So much so that I chose not to have lunch. The two boys whom I share a room with were smart to leave me alone, but I guess they ratted to boss that I did not have lunch. Next thing I knew, I received this, stickers and all. So sweet!

P.S. I did something that I never thought I would do. I love HKG right and would never give up a chance to go there. Yesterday, I was happy at the thought of going there next week, today I told the boys to go ahead and make their bookings without me. Which goes to show, never say never.

Bizarre Dreams

Have been super tired lately coz my night has been plagued with dreams. Now I know why people say a dream filled sleep is not a good sleep.

And the dreams have been really bizarre. Some I remember, some are a little fuzzy.

One which I remembered. I was trying hard to catch a flight to London, for some reason, I put off getting into the cab till an hour before flight time (so not me). Upon reaching the airport, I was told that I could not check in as I did not have the adequate insurance (yes, I made up this requirement in the dream). So I had to purchase the insurance and catch the next flight. In betweens the two flights, I actually went to my ex boss's place as his house was near the airport. At his place I made a huge discovery, that he's gay (something that I have my suspicions about) and that his gay partner is an Indian. If I could draw (which I can't), I would be totally able to draw out this Indian chap's looks. And I have never met him before! Long story short, because I overstayed at ex boss's place (something I cannot remember what was keeping me from leaving), I missed the second flight! Just so not fated to get on board the plane...

So that was dream one.

Dream two is not really a dream but a recollection. I was reliving a scene that took place 15 years ago. The first time since maybe like 6 yrs old that I cried in public. Public phones were still around at that point of time and I was talking to I about T with S standing helplessly and sheeplessly somewhere around me. I've always remembered that day coz well, (a) my skin is rather thin, and I don't like crying in front of people (I'm of the hide in the toilet and cry variety). So crying in public was a big no-no, and so very memorable; (b) after that very good cry, I just "packed" my emotions all inside me and than life went on again. Chapter closed. Guy written off. Many things happened post that period but nope, once I had that cry, we were over. Haha ... maybe that's why to this day we can still be friends. From that time, I was convinced that once I got pushed to the point that I would cry like that over a guy, the relationship is kaput, and once I have finished that cry I will get over him in a jiffy, coz well the "bottomline" has been reached. And you know, it's a theory that was put to the test and held true many a time.

Seems rather hilarious now, but hey, that's the thought process of a sheltered 18 year old whose only challenge in life is how to please the parents.

Wonder what dreams are in store for me tonight. Is there anyway to dictate dreams? Better still, would love to know how NOT to dream. It's too tiring.

Jaws Aching

Woke up with super aching jaws, as though I've kept them clamped shut the whole night. Must be me trying hard not to box all the sheep that I was counting through the night.

Reluctant to start work - what do people have breakfast these days? The food centre is all about fried bee hoon.

The weather in SG is really a little hard to predict. What appeared to be an overcast sky is now all sunny without ever having spitted rain.

Hmmm...

How many more of these nights can I take?

Spoke to mum last night, the previous week's "difficulties" unspoken. Chatted about her upcoming holidays. It's amazing how that carpet is big enough for people to sweep things under. How long before it becomes routine?

I need to learn

not to drink so much coffee.

It always starts with a sleepless night - to compensate for the lack of concentration, I drink loads of coffee the next day to stay awake - which than results in me having a headache and well a faster beating heart - which then causes me to stay awake at night.

Was just told than drinking orange / grapefruit juice will offset the caffeine effect, so I am busy gulping juice now. I really hope it does. And yes I will try not to drink so much coffee tom!

Determination

in my case, is often saying "No" to myself. No to procrastination, no to bad time management, no to alcohol and that other vice, no to chocolates and coffee and fatty foods (especially when I am trying to look good for that special someone).

When I was young, my parents were that "No" factor for me. The list of things that I could not do was so long it's hilarious. Invariably (and I would like to think because it's an unrealistic list), I think I broke everyone of them growing up (except for the one about gambling). Being alot older now, I've tried to pick up my own "no"s from my own experiences.

Not that many - so I guess I've been trying to keep to them. You know how we always group things with "must have", "nice to have", "good to have"? Well, I guess my list is "cannot do", "can try not to do". Haha... over time, alot of things have progressed from the "cannot do" to the "can try not to do" page, but I actually thought I've learnt how to control myself a little better. Until the last few months, and especially this weekend. There's just this one promise that I made to myself, but I feel painfully close to breaking it. Tsk Tsk. Left not right. Therefore the need for determination.

Everyone has bad days right? Hopefully this is mine. Never have I been so thankful for a Monday, I need the distraction of work. But first, I need to get through the counting of sheep through the night.